Update

Don't you just wish that after all this time I would have some news for you all. Well I don't.

Been tired...tired of waiting and tired of the effects of all this infertility-waiting-adoption saga on our lives. Had to take a quick break, get over it, move on. DONE!!

So what have I been up to...

-Been working out, hard 4-5 days a week. The results. I have gained 6 pounds. I don't buy the muscle theory, nor do I buy the clothes fitting theory, because the scale is rising and my clothes are tighter then they were when I started.

-On the other hand, I am sleeping much better. I do honestly feel better, so I will give it some more time before I take other measures.

-Tried knitting. That sucked. Gave up knitting.

-Fell in love with one of my patients. I wish I could share pictures and the whole story, but let me just say that my heart was stolen. I am seriously considering pediatric oncology(when that is, a change in jobs wouldn't cost me money and paperwork)

-I'm a geek and looking forward to LOST tomorrow. Seriously please do NOT call me tomorrow during LOST. I will be mean.

-Seen on a church sign: HOPE: praying for rain.....FAITH: carrying an umbrella. So I decided it was time I carried my umbrella and started making something for OUR baby. Crocheting though not knitting...knititing is hard.

--Trying very hard to continue to carry my umbrella.

Seriously....we're not counting

But....in case you are

we have been waiting....

22 very long months....

...I can't remember whose blog I found it on, but I went here to redeem our well deserved coupon after waiting 22 very long months. So today I'm cutting it out and sending it to our agency!!! Do you think they'll honor it!! So friends go get your coupon, and we'll all mail them to our agencies.

I wonder if they'll find it as humorous as I did!!

The cure for jumping fences and a Christmas story

First off, I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas. We had a great Christmas season and our celebrations are almost to a close.

When Jon and I were at the height of our infertility drama, we did consider NOT having children. BUT in the end we felt that something would always be missing from our lives. And we felt that if we didn't have children we would be that crazy couple that dresses up their dog and puts her in a stroller to walk her around the block...

ummmm.........after waiting for so long in this adoption, I think we may be loosing it!!!(But we have found that a sweater on our boxer is the ultimate cure for jumping fences, walking, jumping, or going outside at all!!)

Now onto the Christmas story, and it's not the fuzzy love thy neighbor story. It's the story of the type of things that ALWAYS happen to Jon, a can you believe the audacity of people story. .. ..Jon wanted to get a laptop for me for Christmas, but more importantly for our trip to Taiwan. They had a sale at Best buy, but it was never in stock, unless I was with him. He checked again and it was supposed to be in, BUT it wasn't. So they told Jon that 9 were coming in on a truck that night, they gave him a ticket for the laptop and told him to come back in the morning when they open with the ticket and he would be able to get one. Good so far. He goes early in the next morning, ticket in hand, people are camped out(literally) and there were about 40 people in front of him. Everyone's spirits were good, and they all were talking about what item they were going to get. Great. They are in the store now. Then all of a sudden some dude starts trying to grab Jon's hand. He looks at the guys like he's crazy and asks him what he's doing. The guy tries to roll his wrist and pry the ticket out of his hand. By this point Jon is getting upset and asking the guy what he's doing, cursing, telling him you're messing with the wrong guy, dude it's Christmas, you better stop...etc(this is the nice version). A little struggling. Things get heated, the crowd is getting upset, Big Burly Best Buy guard comes out to see what's going on. Then the guy tells security that Jon is trying to steal his ticket. WTF#$!&**!! The people that were around Jon, tell them that the other guy was lying and that Jon had the ticket when he arrived. THEN the guy tries to say that it's a racisit thing. Things are getting heated. Finally Jon asks them if they have this other nonsale laptop. They yell that they do. So Jon tells them, fine I'll get that one and with ticket in one hand shoves it in the guys chest. Well said guy falls backwards into a shelf of DVD's that falls into another shelf.(He did not intentionally try to push the guy down) The crowd claps, but then realizes that this guy really shouldn't get the ticket. It's getting more heated. Jon pays for the laptop and is escorted by security out of Best Buy. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT someone tried to steal his ticket!! Now in earlier days it would not have ended there. And Jon probably would have been escorted to places other then the parking lot. BUT he knew that he had to think about our child. We are so close to our referral and he had to think about the adoption. But in the recesseses of my mind I wish Jon just would've pelted the guy!! I seriously think many many people have really lost the true meaning of Christmas. The good news is that we now have a very sweet laptop and when we travel to Taiwan we will have the means to post pictures and keep all our loved ones updated!! I hope your Christmas was wonderful and you didn't run into any mean people!!

Birthday Surprise

It started out like this......
"why do I have to put a blindfold on?"
"well...it's a surprise and I don't want you to know before we get there"
"uhhhh, Aunt Ann, seriously?"
"YES"
This is my youngest nephew. He shares an intense love of animals just like me. So when I saw that he loved horses, just as much as I did/do...I thought that a great birthday surprise, would be his very first horseback trail ride.




He was very excited although I think at 10, he tried not to "look" so excited. This is PRINCE, my nephews very first on your own horse ride. We did an hour ride around the ranch, in fields, and through the woods. Pretty cool ride. And I must say he did well controlling his horse for the first time.











And although I hate pictures of myself I love this picture of us. Notice that out of solidarity I too wore a helmet. Jon told me I had to b/c I now have something to live for. Apparently before I didn't, but now he told me..."it's like your pregnat, we have a baby on the way..wear the helmet."

We had a great time and I was so excited I couldn't sleep last night. I'm so happy that I was able to share this experience with him. Happy Birthday Nephew!!

TWO - ONE, TWENTY ONE months done!!!

Raise a drink my friends, we're finally twenty one!! Yes, another month has come and gone on the waiting list, but the thing that's different this month is that we actually have something in the house for baby. As you all know, we have not bought one thing...no pacificers, no toys, no clothes, no furniture. And we have done really well. I actually begged Jon to buy something small for baby this Christmas. BUt he said no. Leave it to us to actually listen to my Mom about something, but why we chose to listen about superstitions and bad luck I don't have a clue. BUT...we have stuck by it and won't buy anything until we get that call.....

BUT....we didn't buy this. This is baby's first Gator from our friends, here. I swear I almost cried when I opened the package, because seriously this is our baby's first toy!! Not a toy we had and are passing down, but OUR BABY'S very first, brand spankin' new, giggles when you press the toe, toy!!! Our baby's first Gator...GO GATORS!! And he's sitting in Jon's Great Grandmother's rocking chair, just waiting for him. I can't wait. 21 months done, bring that referral on!!!

WE'RE ON TOP!!!

Well I just can't help sharing. We are SOOOOO excited. We found out over the weekend that we have moved on up on our agency list. So for your quoting pleasure......I asked...and they responded.....

"Your thinking is correct. You are at the top of our agency list of waiting families. YYYEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!!"

Now for those NOT with the birthmother program, referrals CAN come out of order. Just because we're on top doesn't mean we'll be the next ones to get a referral for our agency. BUT it does mean we're on top(just in case you didn't quite hear me!!) And for those that aren't with Taiwan's program and are say with China's program, I would kinda equate it with being in the review room. I trust that our album will be in the hands of our child's birthmother very soon...I hope. I didn't think we would ever get to the point of feeling like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But I'm seeing it. It's there, faint, but growing in intensity.

Baby boy dreams...

The dreams are starting again....

I had a dream about a tiny baby boy....he was little with a head full of hair...

The diapers we brought were too big....he was having GI issues....and poop....poop was everywhere!!

I think with all the referrals lately I may be having some anxiety about being a good parent.

But seriously there was poop everywhere!!!

I just want to say...

On this eve of Thanksgiving I want to say how grateful I am for all of you out there in cyberspace. I don't think we always realize how our comments on eachothers blogs really helps during this rollarcoaster. Many times I will be having a hard day, doubtful that this will ever happen...then I read someone else's blog or comment and my faith is restored. I am thankful for all the friends I have met, for all the support I have received. Some of you leave wonderful comments of encouragement on the blog and sometimes I get a private email from someone who says that I have helped them. It's hard to understand how I am helping others when I am just venting or talking about my feelings. BUT I see the connections between us all. Today I had a very bad day at work. I wanted to quit, I still want to quit. But so much is on the line right now I have to stick it out. I will stick it out. I left work early. I drove home ready to crawl into a hole, feeling sorry for myself...work sucks...we're still waiting...will this ever end? I kept wondering why my life feels so out of control....

Then I checked my email...and there it was. An email from someone from one of the yahoo groups who also checks out the blog. Her words were so sweet...encouraging...nice. And now my day doesn't seem so bad. It's okay. And it's because of all of you. So when you think that it's no big deal the things we say to eachother, I'm hear to tell you that it is a big deal. Your words may be just what someone needed that day.

I wonder...

...first off why I just spent an hour coloring big bird and 20 fish with photoshop, but I guess that's not the point!!

I wonder...

...how many more times I'm gonna have to search for pictures of numbers(20 months waiting...whoo hoooo)

I wonder...

...if he's born yet

And just when I wonder, if Jon thinks about this as much as I do...he says to me....out of the blue....

"I wonder if he knows we're here waiting to love him..."

Be still my heart, I love that man!!

Not for us but...

I never thought that I would be so excited for another family. Someone from our agency announced their referral yesterday. They had been waiting almost exactly 24 months!! They had asked for either gender 0-4 years old and rec'd the referral for a little girl born in July. She's absolutely gorgeous with a head full of thick hair. I wish that they had a blog so you could all see, but they don't. I swear I shed some tears for them, they've waited so long. So now that means we take one step forward...wooohooo!! Only two familes ahead of us for our agency. It seems that referrals are beginning to trickle in too. A family from another agency rec'd their referral I think about a month ago. Bring it on....I hope this means that things will begin to pick up referral wise.

New Header

Isn't the new header the cutest!! I couldn't go without THANKING Sarah, from Journey to Hannah Claire, for the nicest gift of a new header. She just whipped it out last night without a problem. I love the new colors. And just in case you're wondering Sarah is just waiting for that phone call about Hannah, which by the way should be coming very soon!!

I want...

* to talk about something other then adoption
* to stop obsessing about time lines
* to stop waiting
* to have an answer, when someone asks "what's going on with the adoption"
* to know when our child will be home
* a "paper pregnancy" that parallels a real time pregnancy
* to stop putting our lives on hold
* to feel free to spend money instead of saving for an adoption that is taking forever
* to feel secure that this will really happen

I HAVE...
* hope that one day I will no longer talk about adoption, but our child
* knowledge that I am not alone
*to continue to wait
*no real answers to "what's going on with the adoption"
*no understanding of when he will be home, BUT THAT he will one day come home
*a "paper pregnancy" of two elephants(did I just compare myself to elephants?)
*to hold on just a little bit longer....or more, but we will
*money in the bank and that's always good, adoption or not

*faith!!

I171h refile..

Just wanted to let you all know that we were able get the extension on our I171h for FREE!! There have been inconsistencies with immigration offices all over. The discrepancy was centered around whether or not families rec'd their original I171h on the lower fee. Some offices were saying that if you paid the old fee then you weren't able to get the free extension; that the free extension was only if you paid the new higher fee. Our agency told us that with the cover letter we had to request the "one time, free extension of our I171H" So that's what we did. We had to fill out a new application, send in all the copies of everything of past, but we did NOT include any money and hoped that our office would allow it. And today we rec'd our new I171h FREE!!! Yay!! Finally something worked out for us. Just wanted to let everyone know because I know that there are many families in the same situation as we are. Have a great weekend!

Oh, but immigration took away one child. We had approval for two children, just in case, even though our homestudy was only for one child. Our agency even told me before that immigration usually doesn't allow a difference. So we again asked for approval for 2 children, but they only gave us approval for one. Oh well

A good omen?

Well here we are again friends. But now we're at 19 months. Remember how I said that I wouldn't make it this long. Remember how I said that I didn't think I could do deal with this long of a wait. Well I'm dealin'.

Not to say that we're dealing with it well, but we're dealing.

The good news is that there is some communication from Cathwel with another family from our agency. It's not a referral yet(although I think it may be coming soon for them) It is communication which means we know that Cathwel really is out there and they do know that there are families waiting!!

Other odd happenings in our little abode. We've had this fish tank for about 4 years now. Big, fierce, hugely ignored. Fish disappear. We have African cichlids which are pretty aggressive and have been know to cut out the competition in the tank. We were down to about four fish, two of them cichlids. I'm sitting on the couch today and I notice something very small wiggling away out of the corner of my eye. I'm thinking to myself what varmint go into the tank. I mosey on over and it's not varmint, it's baby fish. Where did they come from? Okay so I know where they come from, but the other weird thing is that the other "half" of an obviously breeding pair is no where to be found. I even looked behind the tank to see if she took the leap to lower ground. Nope not there....but anyways...even the fish are fertile and they get babies!!

So we're thinking that this is a good omen? I mean it's been four years and we've never had baby fishies before. And I know in some cultures, if you dream of fish it means a little one is on the way. If the fish are multiplying in your own home, does that count!???!

File, File, and refile

Okay, so some snipets from this weekend:

*Our I171h refile, will be in the mail tomorrow. I'm getting pretty good at paperwork. We requested the "one time, no charge extension of our I171h." I'll let you know if they let us do it.
*This should be the last of our paperwork til we know of our little man(I hope I don't eat those words)

*Not only am I not 19, I am not 10. Went to a birthday party at pump it up.....took my nephew....and well.....I'm not a stand on the sidelines kinda Aunt. My back is ailing again. But I smoked him on the obstacle course(yes I am bragging about beating a 10 year old!!)

*Jon on the other hand is 10. He scared the doodles outa my nephew on the gocarts. My nephew told me that Jon was running kids off the track and making them spin out!!

*Much to my sisters dismay...I have introduced the nephew to the Starbucks frappaccino

*Camp is set for hunting season.(I supervised)
*Let's all say a collective prayer that Jon doesn't get life flighted out of the woods this year!!

Hope you all had a great weekend!!

So here are the STATS...

I emailed our agency today with a few questions.....

It seems that there have only been 5 referrals in the last 9 months. Which means a referral about every OTHER month. There are still three families ahead of us, two asking for infants(0ne family a girl and the other family either gender) The other couple is asking for either gender 0-4 years old.

Now IF the three families go before us and the referrals follow the list, then we are looking at APRIL!@!! Did you hear that?

In case you didn't let me repeat that for you.....APRIL!!!!!!

BUT if the referrals fall out of line and families after us get a referral before us, on the third month of the new year, when the moon is in the 12th night, then it could be after that. Or if the 10th star to the right of Venus, at the second moon of Jupiter has an eclipse before the fourth night of the second quarter of 2008, then I'm going to SCREAM!!!

Okay so you get it. IT's going to be a long time, with no way to predict when this is all going to come to a glorious end!!

Taiwan Treasure...in the making

Bear with me as I learn about the camera, uploading, and editing. It only took me two hours to figure out where the connection on the camera was(I'm not kidding!!) In this thing called adoption you must maintain a sense of humor. To Jon, thanks for being a great sport and allowing me to publish this to the world wide web. I love you honey. This video is for your viewing pleasure. Come, enjoy, learn about our little treasure in the making...

Remeber how I said....

....I was a jet ski champ.

....not so much. Please remind me that I am not 19 years old anymore.

I went back to work with a little back pain. By the end of the week it was worse. We drove down to Orlando for our "other" nephews birthday.

...and by Saturday night...

walking was a luxury....

...by Sunday, it remained a luxury.

Which brought me to...

*a call in on Monday(I HATE calling in)
*a doctors visit
*a shot in my junk
*a readjustment(which scares me every time he does it)
*a tongue lashing about my back exercises
*a "reminder" that I have NO muscle tone(which I should) to support my back
*mandatory exercise(!!!!!)
*AND...a calling out in front of my mother in law(who manages the office)!!!which went like this....."Tell Mrs.(Mother in law) what your physical therapist told you"

.....(head hung low)"....to do my back exercises"

..."and have you been doing your back exercises"

now I'm thinking to myself...doesn't jet skiing count as some form of exercise and technically I was obviously working out my back or it wouldn't have been hurting....
"no, I haven't been doing my back exercises"

I getcha doc, I gethca.

6 years married...who whuda thunk it!!

So another year has passed and we are again celebrating our Anniversary. Last year I said it would be our last Anniversary before our little one gets here. I won't say that again.....but I can hope it.

You all know that we got married in Maui and so I've posted another wedding picture. This is one of my favorites!! We're hoping to go back for our 10 year Anniversary with a little one in tow and stay at the same place and take some family pictures in the gazebo that we got married in.

So instead of proclaiming that this will be our LAST anniversary sans child....I just want to say Thank You to all our family and friends near and far who have wholeheartedly supported us no matter what. I want to say Thank You for standing by us, for rooting for us, for lighting a candle, saying the rosary, praying for us. I want to say Thank You for hoping for us when we didn't have hope, for carrying our faith when we didn't feel we had any, for the shoulders we cried on...

I want to say Thank you for Celebrating with us each minute step in this long and drawn out process. And although I won't say that this will be our last anniversary I will CLAIM that this coming year is going to bring us all a lot to Celebrate and be thankful for!!!

There...I claimed it!!

Did you want pictures?

(click on the captions box above)


First off I must explain the lesion on my face in some of the pictures. I haven't gotten a cold sore in 8 years..so what do you think pops up on our first night. Jokes on me. Not only was I so bloated that we almost had to cut off my ring, I got a HUGE herpetic lesion on my face. And I don't get a little fever blister on my lip, I get a volcano running down my face...seriously. Try feeling sexy for your hubby when you're bloated and you have this lesion on your face. I just sat in the mirror thinking to myself..."you have got to be kidding!!!" I kept shoving my face at Jon asking "can you see it"
"no honey, it's barely noticeable"
He lied, I know, but that's love.

Destin is absolutely beautiful. The water is crystal clear blue green. They describe the beach as "sugar sanded" and they aren't lying. The sand is white as can be and feels like a handful of sugar. We will definitely go back with our little one...when he gets here.

Our days consisted of swimming in the pool, hanging on the beach, eating of course, swimming in the pool, nap from 3-5, snorkeling on the beach, the pool again...you get the picture.

We rented jet skis which seemed like a great idea. We forgot how much fun they were and were asking ourselves why we don't have ours anymore. We had a blast jumping the jet skis. In my mind I was a jet ski champ...and Jon too. We took control like we owned the ocean...
We paid for it later. My back is killing me and Jon's shoulder reminded him that it hasn't been a year since the accident. But we were fierce!!

We got out on the go cart track. Yes this was a first for me. Again Jon was floored that I hadn't done this before. Jon raced past me as I cautiously eased the go cart out. Little kids were racing by me as I maneuvered the little machine. I did get the hang of it and raced around like the champion that I am. But I came in last. I felt like such a looser. But the next time, I'll take him!!

We did some snorkeling. The water is soooooo clear. You can see like 15 feet down. Now I don't really have a fear of the ocean. We're both pretty strong swimmers and I really don't fear that a shark is going to just swim up to me and say hi. BUT when the water is that clear you see everything..ignorance is bliss I say. I CANNOT hang with the jelly fish. I just can't. Jon was way out and I was following, but then I saw one. So I would swim the other way, then I would be minding my own business and then BAM, right in front of me....you get the picture. So finally I just took off the mask and swam in ignorance.

The dolphins were right off shore several times which I love. If it weren't for the jellyfish I would've been right out there with Flipper and his friends.

We had a blast and for a moment we were just a couple on vacation celebrating 6 years of marriage. We weren't an infertile couple, we weren't perspective adoptive parents, we weren't waiting for anything, and we definitely weren't a couple that have been on a waiting list for 18 months. We just were......It was awesome!!