Dear Lord, we may need to clarify our prayers...

I know that we've been praying very hard to be chosen to be parents. And I know that we didn't specify gender, age, or many other things. We even asked for as young as possible. I guess we never thought to specify species. And we are very grateful that you trust us with any of your creatures. But do you think that next time you choose us, it could be a human orphan?

Love,

Jon and Ann



Okay, so here's the story:

It's 4 am Sat. Jon rushes into the bedroom, where by the way I am sound asleep because I DO NOT work nights.

Ann, there's a dead baby duck in our garage, I need your help

huh, how did a baby duck get into our garage

I don't know, just come help

what do you need my help for, if it's dead, take care of it, by the way what day is it, do I need to go to work

It's Saturday..no, come help me

I don't want to help

come help!!

the scene: a little tiny fluffy baby duck is laying in our garage on it's back!!

I don't think it's alive Jon

That's what I said

well get a rag and pick it up

OMG, it's not dead it's alive, it's just sleeping

I didn't know ducks sleep on their backs, Is it hurt

no, I don't think so

What do we do?

Find it's Mother

--so we proceed to look in our neighbors bushes with a flashlight at 4 am(where we knew there was a nest) meanwhile, big bad black cat is waiting nearby as little baby duck is chirping for it's Mommy. The nest was there, eggs hatched, no other baby ducks and NO Momma duck.

We can't leave it

What do we do?
Go get a shoebox

What do we do with it?

--so for the next hour we search on the Internet on what to do with this baby duck. We couldn't find Momma Duck and big black cat was just waiting for us to leave it in the yard. We put it in the shoebox and tried to sleep.

2 hours later, Jon couldn't sleep so he went down to the pond to try and find Momma duck. No Momma duck to be found, Momma Goose is out there, but no Momma duck. He looked high and low knowing she must be around there somewhere. But he couldn't find her. Little Jeeter(yes we named him) was pretty stressed, we couldn't get him to drink anything and he was starting to shiver despite the massive heat outside.

Anyhow, after many phone calls we found a wildlife rescue and "dropped" off little "Jeeter".
But they weren't there yet. So we had to go back to make sure he was going to be taken care of.


Isn't that just the sweetest thing. I told the lady there that I didn't know that ducks slept on their backs. Her response: they don't, that was a major stress sign. They were able to get him to take some water and she said she would keep in touch with us to let us know how he's doing. They'll rehab him, make sure he can find food on his own, then release him when he's old enough.

He was sooooo sweet. Jon would talk to him in a daffy duck voice and and he would go straight to him. Trust me when I say, that we almost had a new pet!!

Oh and today marks 15 months on the waiting list!!

RUMORS!!

I hate rumors because they usually end up being true. This really sucks. The new rumor: the wait will be 18-24 plus. This sucks!!

Patience rewarded!!

Okay so maybe not the news you've been waiting for, but I's gotta talk about something, right?

3 years ago, Jon and I bought two sticks at the opening of the beaches. Seriously they were just sticks. I won't mention why on earth we would pay money for sticks but we did and well that's a whole 'nother story. Anyhow we put them in the pots where the people told us we would get Hawaiian Lei flowers. RIGHT!!

Now don't get me wrong we did get leaves, but no flowers....for three years. Then all of a sudden, this year...beautiful Plumeria flowers. See I have patience. Okay I really didn't do anything and I'm surprised the darn sticks did anything, but now I will spoil my little blooms with care.

On another note we rec'd our updated I171H in the mail today. We won't mention that Jon and I are now adopting from Tiawan(please tell me where that is and if their waiting list is shorter). And I guess now I'm doing the whole hyphenated name thingy. Whatever...we have to update the form anyways. I'll see if the agency thinks this will be a problem?!?

Makes me feel like Dancin'....Dancin'

Whooo HOOOO!!!




Finally a break of sorts. Most everyone in the adoption community knows this little tid bit. But I thought I'd put it out there for everyone who's following our journey and is NOT engrossed in the adoption community on a daily basis. Yesterday, USCIS announced their new fee schedule. On this new schedule you are allotted one extension of your Orphan Petition, free of charge. This is such a relief. Seriously, the idea of just having to fill out some extension form without forking out more money really is a stress buster. And since we just redid our fingerprints on Friday, hopefully we won't have to do anything else besides extend our Petition. This is really good news. So for all of us that are affected by this news, now is the time. Please take a moment, push your chair back, and do a little dance!!!

We are RE-DONE

Fingerprints-Check-Check-AGAIN!! We left pretty early this morning to get to the USCIS office when they opened. When we got there 10 minutes after they opened, the parking lot was packed, the lobby was packed. I asked the guard about this. He told me that they had 182 appointments for fingerprints today alone. We were not one of them. He told me they opened the doors almost an hour before. BUT that was not the listed hours that were on our form. I was a little nervous that we were in for a very long wait. But for some reason I think the pink form we had, must have put us in an expedited line, because again they said "good luck on your adoption" and we were in and out in a hour. Whew!! Done again. We then had plenty of time to go to an early showing of SpiderMan3 and take a walk around the mall before Jon collapsed in bed after not having had any sleep. While we were there there was this cute little Asian boy around 16 months sitting behind us. He kept tappin us on the shoulder, smiling and flirting. He was sooooo cute. Maybe it was a sign!! Stay tuned....we'll revisit this day in about 6 months, but by then hopefully we'll know about our child. Tootles!!

Book club verses some zzzzz's

Today I thought I would take a little nap before the book club. I jumped into bed for a 20 minute nap.....and oops 3 hours later I had missed the book club for adoptive parents...DARNIT. Of course now at 11:15pm I am WIDE awake.

I don't know how it would have gone since I only read one of the two books up for discussion. But I had planned on going anyways. The one book I did read though was Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother. I read this one in a couple of hours and I really liked it. The author really goes through a lot of emotions that a lot of families-or at least some of the things I think about and just don't say. I'm still waiting for the library to get the other book for me. Oh well at least I'll be reading them and next time I'll try not nap. But our bed is ohhh so nice, it sucks you in and then that's all there is, you're off into never never land.

Tomorrow we'll be getting our fingerprints re-done. Our USCIS office didn't give us an appointment, just gave us their hours like last time. So basically we go there and wait...and wait...and wait. I probably should've done that appointment pass thing, but I was afraid that it would take too long to get an appointment and our fingerprints expire at the end of June. Plus work gave me Friday off(YAY!!) We're going to try and get their early. We'll see. Hopefully no "match" problems like last time. I told Jon not to cut his fingers at work tonight. He told me that I should have NEVER said that because now he's going to be paranoid and something's going to happen and he'll chop off all his fingertips. Wouldn't that be our luck.

2 posts, one day!!

We're getting all sorts of culture. Val would be so proud that Jon and I went to yet another show, MAMMA MIA . That's two shows in two months, we're not yelling redneck anymore.....we's sophisticated folk now. My MIL couldn't use her tickets so asked us if we wanted to go. OF COURSE!! The seats were amazing, three rows from the stage. I sorta felt rich we were so close. I could actually see the sweat coming from the dancers. I wasn't sure what to expect since I didn't know much about the show. But it was so high energy and the singers were amazing. It really was a fun show to watch.

I am dumbfounded though that Jon didn't know who ABBA was. Now seriously I am NOT a music buff, but even I know who ABBA is. I kept turning to him during the show asking

"do you recognize this song"

"what about this song"

"seriously, you have to recognize this song"

I had to stop because I could tell he was getting annoyed with me.

Anyways great night, great fun!!

NOPE...the wait's not getting to him either..

So I have been informed that it's been over a week since I last posted! Thanks Sarah...I've been slacking.

Not much to post. But just in case you were wondering now Jon is having messed up dreams. He told me about his dream last night...

We were in a store and I saw a couple with a Chinese baby. I told him I was tired of waiting and that we're adopting too...then I proceeded to do something(in his dream) that I would NEVER do. I grabbed the baby!!!

Now apparently the Father of said baby was a big burly man.

And instead of Jon saying "Ann that's not a good idea"

He yells...."RUN!!!"

And so we run with baby in my arms and Big Burly Dad running after us!!

Nope no stress here.

Finally at the Minimum

Can you believe that we are at 14 months? I can't believe that we are still waiting. But we made it to this point and we're on the down slide now(hey haven't I said that before?)

The good thing about 14 months is that we are now officially at the minimum wait time frame. NOT that I think we're much closer as I anticipate at least an 18 month wait. But!!! Before when we were waiting, any time that we would get close to the minimum, they would change it. Then we would creep up on the new minimum and it would change again. NOW we are caught up....it didn't get away from us this time!!

I've heard stories of families waiting 20 plus months. I just hope that that doesn't become us. So now that we are at the minimum I am asking a favor from all of you. Please say a prayer for us that we learn of our child very soon.

Deep breaths!!

Breath in.....Breath out...okay, so, my anxiety ridden rant is now officially over. Thank you all for your support.

The best advice I got..you know the kind of advice that makes you go "okay, I get it",

"cry today, smile tomorrow, and move on".

So that's what I did.

Jon and I are never in a panic state of mind at the same time. Funny how that works out. He even asked me why I was getting so upset about fingerprints. I tried to explain to him that it's not the fingerprinting fee that we would have to pay a total of three times, but the principal of the whole ordeal. But the more I tried to explain to him, the sillier it sounded. If we have to pay the fee another two times, well we'll do it. I have learned that there is some discrepancy with USCIS offices. Some let the redo fingerprints count towards the refile of the I171H. Some do not. And you just never know how it's going to go when it's your turn. Our country coordinator even said that she has seen differences in the same USCIS office. So I'm still not sure if we're just going to let our fingerprints expire, then redo it all at the same time: Or redo them now in hopes that we won't have to redo them again in November. Oh well....moved on. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

{{hugs}} to you all for your love and support!!

Need answers

Okay everyone. For those that have been there done that: I know I posted to the yahoo group, but I just saw something that again gave me a sinking feeling in my gut. We are about to redo our fingerprints. While I'm still trying to figure out how to do this: someone posted that when we have to redo the actual immigration form that we will AGAIN have to be fingerprinted, along with all the birth certificates, marriage licenses..etc..etc..etc.. Please tell me that this isn't true. And why wouldn't our fingerprints be good from June to November. I mean we're going to have to pay another $140.00 this month-or whatever the fees are now. And now we're going to have to pay that fee again in 4 flippin' months plus the increased immigration which is somewhere around $600. And if we have to submit all our certificates and licenses can they be copies of the ones we just got last year or do we have to have fresh copies of those too. I mean seriously we already had copies of all that, but they couldn't be more than a year old when we did all this stuff last year so we had to pay to get fresh certified copies of certified copies we already had. And obviously they'll be older then a year NOW!!! So please for those that have had to redo the actual immigration form(I 171H) tell me what the deal is!!

Seriously I am so angry right now. I could deal with having to redo our fingerprints, kinda sorta understand that. I can understand having to redo our immigration, it sucks, but I can sorta understand that too. BUT to have to redo our fingerprints a third effin time 4 months after we just redid them, pisses me off. No nice way to put that. It really pisses me off. It makes no damn sense and is just an effed up way to run things. Sucks the money right out of our pockets. Hey here's an idea, lets pay in excess of $140 each time to do our fingerprints 3 times. Because we all know that my fingerprints have this funny way of changing things up a bit every couple of months. Funny how they do that. Twists the knife on the fact we can't have children. Makes me want to give up. There have been very few moments that I have wanted to throw in the towel. But when I hear something like that I just want to say EFF YOU to them all.

God's hand in our lives

Sometimes the realization comes at such a mundane moment. I have never doubted God's hand in my life everyday. But sometimes I seem to forget the timing of everything and am reminded of it in such a simple way.

I never get off of work early. NEVER. But today I did and I was feeling quite "beat" by this wait. I was tired and was going to go home and take a nap. I debated going to the library again(which is FARRRRR from where I live-but that's another story). I blew it off yesterday, but was invited to an adoption/book club thingy and needed to get the books. So I reluctantly went to the FARRRR away library to get the books I needed. They only had one. But that was okay. I went to check out and the woman checking me out asked me if I was doing a research paper(so I liked this women for thinking I was still in school). "no" I told her. Then she asked if we were adopting. "yes"(okay this is looking better). She then told me she was "jealous" and started to reluctantly ask me questions.

I could tell she was upset. She told me a little bit of her story and how she had researched adoption, but it cost too much....etc... I talked to her for about 30 minutes, all about adoption, how the money just works itself out...I told her not to give up on her dreams just because of finances..etc...etc...etc. I ended up giving her my number and email address so she could contact me with all her questions. I could tell she felt beat, but now she had met someone with information. She told me that she would email me if that was okay. I could tell she needed some support. As I left and was sitting in my car, I had this overwhelming sense of goodness. I knew that I was supposed to be there at that moment, on this day, to cross paths with her. And it also was a huge reminder to me that the timing of this whole thing will be right, no matter how long it takes. I don't know if she'll email me, I hope she does. And even though this meeting seems so incidental , I KNOW it was God's hand at work; if not for her, then as a reminder for me.

Born in my heart!!!

Isn't this beautiful. This was a gift given to me by my friend Lucia and her family as a Thank you for helping with their son's surgery. Although it wasn't necessary as a thank you gesture, it is a much appreciated and now cherished gift. I was sooooo excited to get a gift in the mail, so excited that I couldn't get the package open. Jon had to open that very complicated envelope for me. I love it and it means “Sheng Zi Wo Xin” (Born in My Heart). It's from China Sprout if anyone is interested. Isn't that so perfect.

When I first rec'd it, I didn't know what it meant. So, when I called to tell them Thank You I asked. When Lucia told me what it meant, I had to hold back tears. Perfect, I say, perfect for how I feel. It is now proudly around my neck where it'll stay. So again to my friends-Thank YOU!!

Think Blogger THINK!!!

Yay for me. I have been nominated for the thinking blogger award. That's so exciting. Anyhow when I started on the whole computer web log thing, I was mostly stalking others journeys. Then I started blogging last March, when we got onto the infamous waiting list. I've written about all the ups and downs. The joy and sadness all the while hoping and praying that we'll get word soon. But during my journey I still stalk A LOT of blogs...

I am supposed to continue this nomination thing to include 5 blogs that I love. I've tried to leave out those that have already been nominated, but the following are a few of the blogs I read frequently(trust me it was hard to narrow this down to 5)...

The Long Road to Taiwan: Here Jen talks about the journey to baby William. I love how honest she is about the wait and she always makes me feel not so alone.

Dim Sum, Bagels, and Crawfish: I have been following Lucia for a very long time. She was actually living in Japan, when they adopted her daughter, and they were able to foster her before her actual adoption. Lucia is always uplifting and positive and a great support.

Waiting for Abby: What do you do when you wait. You blog, you shop, you talk about it and does she. I tune it to see how Jenny is dealing with the ever increasing wait in China. It's been hard, but she's dealing fantastically. She's so ready for her Abby.

Awaiting Ava: This is a relatively new blog to me, although she's been around a long time. I just feel connected to her. She's super funny and insightful.

And I waited for the last slot to go to my friendy friend Val: {muwahhh} over at

Happy Girl(s): She makes me smile everyday. And she posts pictures just for me(sometimes) okay maybe not just for me, but she makes me feel like she's posting them for me. Seriously, she's been a great support to me!!

So to all the nominees Congrats and if you feel like it, write your own post about 5 of your favorite bloggy blogs.

It gets me EVERY time...

I don't know why I feel compelled to look and check on our agency website(note: this post may sound very familiar). I knew this information. I spoke with the agency and I knew the average wait was 18 months. I've read the letter from Cathwel stating this information. So why is it that when our agency website actually states this, my stomach drops in horrid surprise like this is the first time I've heard this before. I surely could've upchucked right there. Seeing it in writing on the website, despite clear knowledge of the information, is like a sucker punch every time. Maybe because I feel like if they don't change the website there's still a chance that our referral will come sooner then what they're telling me. Yes, I know this is naive, but if it's not officially on the website that's how it feels, like maybe, just maybe we will slide in under what they're telling me, because well you know it says on the website......

But again they have updated the website(NOT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW) and the average wait is now 14-18 months for an infant. A total Gut buster, seriously. I know it sounds irrational because I've been telling you all this for a while now. But sometimes I like to hold on to some glimmer of hope that we won't have to wait 18 awful months...which by the way would be ANOTHER...5 months til referral and lets not forget about court....tack on another....

Oh forget it!!

TILE...TILE...WE HAVE TILE

We finally have tile in the kitchen, front door, and dinning room. My stove is out of the garage and my kitchen is back together. We still have some finishing work to do, but it looks soooo good. I know I'm a geek, but I'm super excited about getting it done. Ohhh and if I stop by your house this week to eat....this is why...

The Lion King

My birthday celebration continued last night. My MIL got Jon and I tickets to see The Lion King here in town for my birthday. So with the money my folks gave me for my birthday I was able to get something nice to wear and off we were to a night of Theater. So Thanks to our folks!! It was so good. Seriously, the costumes were amazing, the singers phenomenal and overall it was an amazing show. If you have the chance to see this in your town, I would totally reccommend it. And get an aisle seat too. The animals come down the isles several times during the show. Trust me the costumes...SUPERB!! My first time at the theater. I loved getting dressed up and seeing Jon all gussied up too. We had a nice dinner before hand and actually stayed out past our bedtimes. See, for those that think I refuse to leave the house....I really do!! We actually have a life. And right now the guys are laying tile in our dinning room, foyer, and kitchen. Picture of that soon too!!

Cathwel Families UNITE!!

Hi All. We have started a yahoo group just for those that have or are in the process of adopting through Catwel. As many of you know adopting through Catwel is a birthmother program which affords many positives. The only downside is the wait has become much longer. We thought it would be nice to have a place just for us to share. So if you're interested.... It's called AdoptTaiwan-Cathwel. Enjoy and come share.




Click to join AdoptTaiwan-Cathwel

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13 divided by 100, multiply by.....

Oh who am I kidding. No matter how you do the math...it doesn't make it any better. We have posted 100 times and we are now at 13 months waiting!!! Yipee!! Do you hear the enthusiasm. If you don't it's because it's not there. But seriously this last month went by fairly quickly. I've noticed that I've had "butterflies" or is it "bats" in my stomach pretty consistently now. Maybe that means it's getting closer. So as we speak our album is seeing some light. It's a little dusty, it's been sitting there a while. But it can see the daylight. It can breath a little easier. Some of the weight..or wait(ha..ha...I make myself laugh) has been lifted. We're nearing the top. And soon, hopefully in the next two months. Two very scared hands will gingerly unwind the ribbon that's holding it together. She will gingerly open the cover of the pale green album and see us for the very first time. She will hesitantly begin reading our letter to her. Maybe that's why the bats are doing somersaults in my belly!!!

Just because.

That was then.......

This is now:

Just because I have nothing else to talk about. I am still amazed that this is the same puppy that we brought home. When we brought Sawyer(the puppy) home, Our Skylar(the boxer) was soooooooooo excited that she drooled like there was no tomorrow. We had to follow her with a rag to clean it up, seriously she's not normally like this. And it was odd, she would foam at the mouth she was so excited. And by the next day she wasn't drooling. But we often wonder if she'll be like that when we bring the baby home. So full of excitement that not only are we going to be dealing with being new parents, but then we'll have to follow her around with a rag to soak up the drool!!

Some people have asked us what we're going to do with our dogs when the baby gets home. Umm...seems like such an odd question to me. We aren't going to "do" anything with our dogs. They're gentle and good around children. Always have been. But there are some people that are worried that we'll have such big dogs around our baby. I just don't know what to tell them. I debate with them. I stand by our position. But it scares them. They tell me horrific stories about what they've seen in their lives. And I tell them horrific stories about other things. We'll watch them when we first get home to see how they're going to react. But they've been around babies no problem. The worst things we'll have to worry about is Skylar licking the baby to annoyance and Sawyer...well he's so mellow, we don't worry. I've always had a dog and there will always be dogs in our home. And if we feel it's going to be a problem then , we'll just have to section off the house, one side for baby, one side for the puppies. It's simple!!!

Go Shorty it's my Birthday!!!

Yes today is actually my birthday. I am an April Fool's baby. No jokes necessary I have heard them all. One of my friends actually told me today that being an April Fool's baby really fits me...ummm....not quite sure how to take that. :0)

Anyhow, no pictures. I am on a picture strike until I loose the extra poundage.

Went to SeaWorld yesterday and aside from paying $3.19 for one coke, which by the way we shared because...well, we paid $3.19 for one coke and we just couldn't face the idea of paying another $3.19 for another coke. Jon did a double take on that one, thinking the guy was wrong or that he bought something else by mistake with the coke...

But they give you free beer....go figure!!

Did I just loose my train of thought...guess I did. We had a great time. I absolutely love SeaWorld. I swear I was dragging Jon around like a little kid. When we first came in the entrance I actually grabbed Jon's hand and ran him over to the stingrays!! Which by the way you can feed..for a small price...but feed none the less. Oh and in case you didn't know... stingrays' mouths are on the bottom of their heads, not the sides. And they don't particularly like it when you try to shove a dead fish into their gills....which looks like their mouth....but it isn't......oh so I've heard.......

We saw their new "Believe" Shamu show. Which is pretty cool. But if you're in a precarious emotional state, it's like a thirty minute hallmark commercial. If I wasn't in a stadium full of people that I didn't know...I would have been crying the whole time..all the while screaming ..."I BELIEVE....I BELIEVE!!!"

It was a great day, then I got to hang out with my family today. It was a great birthday weekend. So tomorrow I have to catch up on all my bloggy friends...see ya then.

It's coming....

...my birthday that is. I won't go there, where I said I would be a Momma in the next year. I said it, I can't take it back. But that was ohh so long ago. It was the beginning of our journey. I was so sure that the past year would be "the" year that I would become a parent. But alas a year has almost come and gone. A year of lessons learned, of hope lost, and found again. Weird how this journey unfolds. But as I am on the cusp of yet another birthday without a child, I am renewed....again. Our baby is a cookin'. And he's almost done. So as we slide into my birthday weekend, I know now....it's almost here. See ya on the flip side. Maybe I'll have a picture..

All aboard.....next stop....



.......................33!!!

Still gonna wait...

Most of you know that I am online with many a yahoo adoption group. They are a great group of families that know all too well what international adoption is all about. There's one family that is on the same time line that Jon and I are on. They got onto the waiting list just weeks after we did. They are actually living in Taiwan. So they have asked Cathwel(our orphanage) about their status and were told to expect another 4-5 month wait. Cool beans. I can wait another 4 or 5 months. I know that it's only 1-2 months less then what we were expecting. But this info came from the horses mouth, so to speak. And that's 1-2 months less. I can live with that. So here's to being hopeful.

And on another note...Jon and I have finally deposited the last of the adoption money into a secret, don't know the account #, have limited access to bank account. Now we can breath a little easier and can spend some money on much needed improvements to our home. The tile guy is coming in two weeks!!! YAY!! Now I know we'll have to redo ALL our documents, but that money should be easier to come by then the huge amount we had to save for the actual adoption...now if we just had a crib?

Why do I ask?

I don't know why I feel compelled to ask our agency as if I didn't know the answer. But I told myself that I would ask at 12 months. We knew that the wait was going to be longer, but I had to ask. Why Ann, why do you feel the need to ask? So I asked our agency what a realistic expectation would be for our wait now. Yes in some small place in my heart I was hoping they would tell me "any day now". But nope...We were told 18 months is the average now. She also went on to tell me that some families are getting the referral sooner, and some later, but the average is 18 months. She must have known that I'm not good with the numbers thing. Yes, I know what "average" means. So again they have tacked on a couple of months. I just hope the wait doesn't keep getting longer. The way it is now, if we wait the 18 months we may not have our child by the end of this year. And if we wait longer, we definately won't have our child by the end of the year. I'm just saying this now...if we don't have a referral by Christmas I'm NOT putting up a tree!! Yes I know my faith is being tested...I know my patience is being tested. As I sit here that song, keeps popping into my head, you know which one..."I get knocked down, but I get up again..."

Student Loans and a Good Dream

--First off, student loans...check check. Finally after 11 years my student loans are gone!! Yipee. I swear I didn't think I would ever get those paid off. One less bill every month means more money in the bank to spend...err save.

--Now the good dream. I wasn't going to blog about it, but I want to document it, just in case I need a reference when we finally get our referral. Most of you know we have not specified gender on our request. We were told by our agency that that means we'll probably get a boy, but you never know. After having horrible dreams about my inabilities as a parent, I was very refreshed by this one. And after reading how women before pregnancies or their referrals had dreams about their children...I thought more about this dream....

--So for documentations sake.....I was holding a baby girl(!!!!) and Jon was next to me. This child was ours and for some reason I knew she was ours. She was fully Asian(not like me) and I just "knew" this. She was our daughter adopted from Taiwan. Her name was Gracie. And I was a little jealous because her first words were "dada". But then as I was holding her, she looked up at me and said "Mommy, I love you". I remember being very overwhelmed by this and felt like I was crying in my dream. Oh and she was a super genius because I felt like she was very young and she was talking to me!!! So there it is...we'll see when that referral rolls in.

NO ONE QUITS

When you work under my hubby, you just don't quit.

I am so proud of him. He was just recognized as the NFL retention leader and the SE region retention leader at work for their "No one Quits" competition. Now I'm not quite sure he knew he was competing, but whatever he did, it worked. No one quit under his supervision and apparently that's a big deal. They recognized him at their weekly supervisor meeting, had a lot of the big wigs there, presented him with two plaques, gave him some gift cards so he could get more clothes for work AND a PLAYSTATION 3. Now for those that aren't into gaming, that's a big deal. This is something he's wanted for a long time. I even thought about getting it for him for Christmas. But it's something like $600. And well, there are better things we could have spent that money on so he obviously didn't get one. He would eye one everytime we went to the store. But poor baby, he just wasn't getting one. Then the other night he called me from work...he has NEVER called me from work. I answered the phone "what's wrong"...then he tells me he won a PLAYSTATION 3. LUCKY DOG. He just hooked it up today and well needless to say he didn't get much sleep. It's like Christmas to him right now. It's like he won the lottery. Now seriously...I know it's a video game system. But he's a guy and this is so major. Maybe it's a sign that our luck is a changing!!

You all knew it was coming. Our 12 month waiting anniversary. We never believed that we would go to 12 months. When we started only one family had gone this far and it was a larger family. No other families in our situation had to wait this long. But we knew it was coming. And even though sometimes it seems like I'm crazy-positive-then not so positive, it's just difficult. One day we're okay with the wait. Then you get this sick to your stomach feeling another day and it's hard to let go. You start to worry and wonder. You try not to let it get to you, but it does. You try to remain positive, but can't. Then the next day you're okay. Sometime I feel kinda manic. But I know I'm not. Twelve months....what can I say about twelve months. We are on the downslide now. And even though we probably have many many more months, each month gone is one month closer to our child. The agency has said that the wait is 12-14 months. I truly feel like they will revamp this statement soon. I think it will be more like 16-20. It sucks, but it is reality. And when people ask us how we can wait this long. My response is always, "what choice do we have?" We can choose to wallow day after day, feeling sorry for ourselves. Or we can "cowboy up" and move on. We can revel in the fact that we are closer to our child. We deal. That's who we are. We are not the constant wallowers. We will not let it drag us down, because we are so much more than a wait right now. We are going to have our family. That's the fact. And if we have to wait longer. Well...we will. Because life, despite it trying to break us ,will not. WE ARE STRONGER THAN THIS WAIT!!! So raise a glass with us tonight my friends. Because we EFFIN made it to 12 months!!!

Can you hear the silence?

I get a blah/vent post folks so bear with me.

We did a role call on my agency Internet group. There is one family @ 18 months, two families @ 16 months, two families @ 14 1/2 months, then us. And yes there are many families after us. But we're now approaching 12 months(you'll get that more positive post on Friday). But since it's not Friday I feel the need to wallow in my own miserable FOREVER waiting room. About two months ago SR. Rosa put out a memo to the agencies about the increasing wait. They are fully aware that this is taking FOREVER and their intentions are not to have the families "suffer" through a long wait. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Yes, they are trying to remedy the situation. But bottom line, there is a backlog(sound familiar, China families) and it's going to take a bit for the wait to get back down.

So since we should already have our referral now, and we Don't. And since it's going to be a while before we do. We are stuck in this miserable waiting room. Imagine this, because this is how it feels.....

The room is bear, nothing on the walls, stark and cold. There is no clock because they don't want you to know how long you've been waiting. There is a crusty old woman sitting at the front desk, talking on the phone about her terrible life. She is preoccupied and oblivious to the many many families in the waiting room. The magazines are all old, because they've been there a long time. And we've already read them a million times as we've waited. We are left to stare at the bleak walls. We all know each other because we've been in this room for a very long time. We've already shared our stories. We've asked all the pleasantries a million times. We are at the point of no conversation. So it is silent. Every once in a while, someone asks again...."how long have you been waiting" Everyone sullenly answers. Then again it is silent. New families join the room. They are so full of joy and anticipation. They pick up a magazine for the first time. We sit in silence. You can tell which families have been there a long time. Their butts are numb. They can't feel their legs. They are hungry for news. They are tired. Tired of waiting. Once in a while that old hairy lady looks up and searches for a certain family and before the families name is announced everyone in the room is alert, anxious, giddy and full of hope that it is their turn. Then that family gets to leave the waiting room. We are left again in silence. But for some odd reason the silence isn't always desperate. Because behind the silence, behind the weary eyes are visions of babies or children, Gotcha days, and tears of joy. So once again we pick up a magazine and read a story we've read before. Because one day that old lady...she'll be calling out our name in the silence!!!

Creating New Friendships

Yesterday, we were able to spend more time with Lucia, Adam and the Kids. It was so much fun as we hung out at their house and had lunch. It was so comfortable hanging out with them. They have two children, one homegrown and one adopted from Taiwan. Poor Jon though, Noah wanted him to climb onto the playset, but it was a little too wobbly for him. I think he had flashbacks and decided it wasn't a good idea for him to be climbing anything anymore...heehee!! It seemed like the guys got along well. You always worry about that when you hang out with other couples. But it was cool. It was also nice for Jon to be able to actually see a child that was adopted from the same orphanage that our child will be coming from. Kinda showed him that it really does happen. And Camille is such a cutie. It was so cute to see Jon playing on the floor with Noah. They had these really neat magnetic sorta building blocks. Jon was still talking about them when we left. He's such a kid it's great. I guess we're going to have to get some. Anyhow, we had a wonderful weekend and look forward to spending more time with them.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

Happy New Years Everyone. This is it. This is the year that many of our children will be born. This is also the year that many of our children will find their way home. What an exciting day!! This marks the official New Year!!! I have visions of little ones in traditional chinese attire attending their very first Chinses New Year celebration(I can't wait to buy the outfit). They're surrounded by so many people who shared the same plight as them, bonded by this thing called adoption. For those of you that already have your children home, I hope you had a wonderful celebration. For those of us that are still waiting, no worries..... our turn is coming!!!

TT #2

In honor of Valentines day....Thirteen perfect love moments.. Sitting on the couch watching a movie with hubby Watching the dogs play at the dog park hanging out with neices and nephews at the pool Dinner with parents sitting around in perfectly okay silence jumping out of the dark and scaring hubby laughing hysterically b/c he jumped.....again!!! fighting....then making up crying on his shoulder hugging my friends being on the other end of a phone, with only silence..because they needed you little wet furry noses in the morning the whisper of "I love you" in the wee wee hours, when he gets home from work Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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We made it to 11 months. I feel the excitement building. It won't be long before we can say any month now. Then it'll be any week now. Then at last it'll be, any day now. Bring it on. It's coming. I can feel it!!!

Thursday 13, #1

This is my very first 13 post. Wasn't sure where to start....So let's see...

Since this blog is mostly about our adoption journey I'll start with 13 things about the infertility that brought us to adoption

1. We are part of a very select group of people in the world that suffers from infertility, 10 percent of the population has some form of infertility, primary or secondary. It seems like a lot more when you are a part of this group.
2. We both "have" issues that contribute to our infertility.
3. There was a time when we would cry more often then we would smile.
4. We now smile more often then we cry.
5. Infertility has given us many gifts...one is strength.
6. Another is a ROCK SOLID marriage.
7. I think we will be better parents having dealt with infertility
8. Infertility is all encompassing. It has ruled our lives in some way or another for 4 plus years.
9. There was a time when I didn't think we'd make it past that point.
10. I know better now...
11. I know more about my body then I ever wanted to know b/c of infertility. Trust me...I don't need any monitors anymore. I can tell you on any given day where I am in my cycle and whatsa happening down there.
12. I never knew love more then the day my hubby found me locked up in the bathroom, curled into a ball, and crying...he scooped me up and told me "we'll get through this together."
13. Infertility has led us joyfully and peacefully to adoption and it is here that we will learn more of love as we scoop up our child and say "we'll get through this together"
    
    
    Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
    1. Susan 2. Jessica 3. Pen
    4. Amy 5. Crystal 6.Artemis
    7.Jill
    

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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In the house...almost!!

My mothers superstitions have totally rubbed off on us. She has always told me not to bring anything into the house relating to baby until I am pregnant. It's bad luck she tells me. Who am I to argue. So this is always how it's been. We don't need any bad luck. When Jon and I were "trying" we never brought anything in to the house, no bottles, no nipples, not one baby bootie. My sister has a box full of clothes from my nephews for us, it's sitting in my parents attic. In hindsight I am grateful that we never brought anything into the house. It would have been torture to sit and look at baby stuff month after month of NOT conceiving. There were points in our "trying" when we were so down, in such agony that I swear I probably would've burned anything baby in some sick ritual.

Jon and I decided that we wouldn't bring anything into the house til we had a referral. Yesterday my mother in law called me to tell me that Jon's sister had some toys she's saved for us and that she just didn't have the room anymore, so could we please at least take them and store them in my parents attic. She knows how I feel about bringing anything baby into the house, so she wanted to gingerly pass it by me, since we were helping Jon's sister move today.

**Progress for me**..I reluctantly told Jon we didn't have to take the toys to my parents, we could..gasp...bring them into the house.

Jon put them into his car.
"uh uh...I'm not going to be the one to bring us bad luck"

So for now the toys are sitting in his car. Maybe tomorrow we'll bring them into the garage...that's not really the house, right?

I'm in Florida right?

This is how I feel.

My blood has totally thinned.


I can't hang anymore.

I'm soooooooooooo cold...

I can't seem to get warm.

I'm pitiful I know. But I guess I am a true Floridian again. After being in VA for 7 years I was okay when the temp dropped, acutally liked it. I would mock with true superiority those with mittens and a...gasp... a coat. Who needs a coat? It's beautiful...I would say.

Not anymore. I can't find my mittens or my scarf. I know I have bloggy friends up North where it's really cold and they have snow on the ground. And I know that this will only last a few weeks, but I just can't seem to get warm. I'm blasting the heat like there's a blizzard outside. If I were me a few years ago I'd make fun of me. I know it's really not that cold, but I'm ready for some heat!!!

New Banner

This has nothing to do with the adoption. But, I am just silly excited about our new banner. I have been trying like crazy to learn photoshop and I've finally figured out enough to mess with the banner. I love the way it came out. The building in the background is a building from Taiwan and then there's one of our wedding pics and a clock, of course because we are eternally waiting. Trust me guys this took me a very long time to figure out. So I just hafta toot my horn. Toot!! Toot!!!

This little piggy came home!!!

I was a little curious of what the attributes of our child are supposed to be based on Chinese folklore. I know it's not science, but it's fun to read about. Come on who doesn't look at that little paper place mat at EVERY single Chinese restaurant. It's the first thing you do when you sit down. You search and search for the year that you were born, then revel in the fact that you are a leader, or a loyal spouse. Then tease your dinner mate for being a moron. For example I am a tiger. Need I say more. Jon is an ox. Explains so much about us, don't you think?

I was rejoicing in the fact that our child was going to be born in the year of the dog....honest..loyal..dedicated......come on folks we're dog people. So it was perfect. What better child for our family then one based on a DOG!! He would be THE perfect fit. So when our referral didn't come, I had to look to see what the Chinese culture says is the animal represented in the new year to come...Imagine my horror when I learned that it was the year of the PIG. I thought to myself , that couldn't be good. Now really...the pig...all sorts of negativity swirled through my brain. And since so many of us will be getting our children this year, or our children will be born this year(even though we may not be home with them) I thought I'd school us on some attributes we can look forward to. Here's some of what I learned:

1. In China, the Pig ( 亥 ) (a more correct form would be the Boar) is associated with fertility and virility. To bear children in the year of the pig is considered very fortunate, for they will be happy and honest.(yippeeeee!!) (And yes we will be "bearing" our children....through countless hours, months of waiting, 20plus hours of international flight, piles of paperwork!!)
2. Contrary to its rather negative connotation the Pig of Chinese Astrology can be the most generous and honorable Signs of the Zodiac.
3. Pigs are nice to a fault and possess impeccable manners and taste. They believe in the best qualities of mankind.
4. Pigs also care a great deal about friends and family and work hard to keep everyone in their life happy. Helping others is a true pleasure for the Pig, who feels best when everyone else is smiling.
5. A Pig with no one around to appreciate its giving nature is a sad sight.
6. Pigs make great companions in part because of their refusal to see the more negative or base qualities in a partner
7. Pigs are highly intelligent creatures.
8. Pigs tend to make wonderful life partners due to their hearts of gold and their love of family..

All sounds good to me!!! Let's bring our piggy home!!

I can't hear you!!!

I'm not listening.....I don't hear you.....I don't want to hear it!!! You can't make me hear it!!

NANANANANANANA!!! I can't hear you!!!

Okay so if you read the last post, on our agency website they changed the referral wait time to reflect the current wait..12-14 months. Okay, so I dealt with that. No biggie...remember?

Well today we rec'd our newsletter from our agency and it said...


"Taiwan: Although we have had several families come home with their children from Taiwan since the last update, the length of referral time continues to increase. The number of applications increased while the number of children available for adoption did not grow at the same speed. Cathwel is well aware of how long some families have been waiting (up to 16 months) and have tried to remedy the situation."

Okay so quick question as I may be missing something. People help me out here...I may not be to smart these days(note sarcasm) How can the average wait for a referral be 12-14 months if some families have been waiting up to 16 months. Numbers have never been a strong point for me, so maybe I'm not getting it? How does that make sense?!!!? And I wonder how they're going to remedy this? Anyways I will embrace my new positive mantra and say that the 16 months is the exception. Yes, sometimes I live in a fantasy world. But cut me some slack. I need some fantasy to get through the day, okay!!

It be official

It's official, we still have to wait. Our agency has now stated that the wait for a healthy infant is 12-14 months. Didn't get upset about this although I had to tell Jon. He was like:"don't get upset, we already knew this".

me: "I know, but now it's official, they put it on the website"

jon: "But we knew this, so it's no big deal"

--end of conversation--

He's right, no big deal. We knew it was coming. I usually see things on the boards right before our agency makes the statement. So with that in mind we should-and I say should loosely-receive word of our child between March and May. Now we usually have Mother's day at our home every year. So let's hope that on this Mother's day I can proudly display a picture of our child.

I GOT DOUBLE D'S....

DOUBLE DIGITS BABY!!!! Now see...... I knew where I was going with that title, What were you thinking? We made it to the double digits. What's cool about being at ten months waiting and into the double digits is that we CANNOT go into triple digits(now refrain from any sarcastic remarks!!! It's hard, I know!!)

This means that we are at least halfway to having our baby home. Even if it takes 16 months for a referral and 4 months for court we are halfway there right NOW, TODAY. And tomorrow we'll be more than halfway. How cool is that?

So in honor of our double digits, 10 months, and in synch with my wanting to be more positive..

MY TOP TEN REASONS WHY THIS WAIT WON'T GET ME DOWN....

10: Because we are halfway there and they can't take that away from us.

9: We are at 10 months and I have not been committed

8: We have more time to spend...errr...save more money.

7: Our marriage is stronger having gone through all this.

6: I have met some wonderful families and friends through this journey.

5: I learned to maneuver my way through cyber space...and trust me this took time.

4: We have polished our interviewing skills.

3: We've almost learned the meaning of patience.

2: Our house is cleaner due to homestudies....and homestudy updates.

And the #1 reason why this wait won't get me down.....(drumroll please....)

***OUR CHILD IS WAITING FOR US****

1 year ago today...

See I knew that there was something that I wanted to write about. But for the life of me I couldn't figure it out. The large print on the calendar should've clued me it. I can be so not with it sometimes...like when I was adding $5, and $5 to $24....I had to think about it...Duh!! I even asked the lady if I was adding it right....ummmm... ADD $10. See what all this adoption stuff does to your brain. Oh wait...I digress...today...1 year ago..we started our adoption. I'm so giddy about this. I remember how nervous and excited we were about it. We were so careful about filling out the application. We knew what a big step this was. If many of you don't know, Jon and I struggled with infertility for a very long time. Last year it was 3 1/2 years of TTC(trying to conceive). We actually were in the process of saving for IVF. We were pretty close to having all the money for ONE shot at it. I just felt that it wasn't the right choice for us at the time. So we jumped back onto the adoption discussion. So much stress was involved with TTC, so much pressure, so many tears. And when we filled out the application all that pressure, all that stress was lifted graciously from our shoulders. Now I'm not saying that there isn't a whole party full of stress now, but it's different. When we filled out that application, said a prayer, sealed it and mailed it, we were able to breath. We were at peace. It had been a long time since we were able to breath and look at eachother in a whole new light. There were no more schedules, no more sex only on this day, or not on this day. No more sitting on my head afterwards, no thermometers, no more peeing on a stick, no more calendars, no more monitors, no more doctors appointments, and no more 2 week wait. Goodbye to all that happened the minute we sealed that envelope. Last year at this time, we became again just a married couple. It was so refreshing. Then 4 days later we had our first homestudy visit. Talk about fast. But last year on this date we were very excited and very hopeful. Today I celebrate that!!!

Happy New Year...a better perspective

See I told you all that I would be more positive today. Actually, it required a stern, but loving tongue lashing from ole' hubby. A long talk about the fact that we are NOT going to change agencies. And a reiteration about the fact that we are NOT going to spend our last day of 2006 down or depressed. Oh we got out of the house, a major accomplishment from this homebody!!

Soo...on a better note...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It's a new year and I am bound and determined to have more good days then bad. I hope 2007 brings HOPE to us all. I pray that our children where ever they may be are loved and well taken care of. I pray that their care takers look after them with love and concern as they wait for their forever families. I pray for patience for us all. And most of all I pray that this is the year-The year of the pig-(yeah more on that later)- is the year that we are united with our children. The children that were chosen for us, the children that were meant to be in our families and the children that even though we haven't met them or even see a picture of them yet, we already love from the bottom of our hearts!!!

BLAH!!

I'm feeling very down today. It seems that I'm having more bad days lately then good. I was feeling very excited about the new year, feeling that this would be THE year that we finally have our child. But, as I'm on the boards and reading about the possibility of now 18 months for a referral my spirits are dampened. Yes, I still have hope that it will happen in 2007. But in the deepest parts of my gut there remains that nagging feeling that it won't. I know that if it doesn't, there's a reason. But I just want so bady to move on with our lives. I hate feeling gloomy, when Jon and I are so blessed in so many other ways. It's at the point that Jon and I don't even want to talk about the adoption, because it just doesn't feel real anymore. It seems further away now then it did last year when we started this whole thing. I promise tommorrow I will be more positive, but right now, today, this minute...I'm scared. Scared that our dreams will never be...

Merry Christmas!!!

Wow I can't believe that it's Christmas eve. I wanted to wish all my friends in bloggy world a very Merry Christmas!! May all our Christmas wishes, spoken or not...be heard. May your spirit be renewed and all your dreams become a reality.

HOPE

Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I let it fall so quickly and easily from my fingers. Every year I get a new ornament for our tree, something that symbolizes the past year. I got this ornament for our tree and for a friend of mine that has also been struggling with infertility. On the back of hers I told her that no matter what life throws at us, it can't take away our hope. I wanted her to remember this. But I think I just didn't want to remember it for us.

I remember now.....
Without hope, there is no tomorrow.
Without hope, there are no dreams.
Without hope, there is no faith because Hope is often the result of faith and well.......



I believe.

JUST SHOOT ME NOW!!!

Rumors!! I hate them. But they aren't rumors if they're true right? So I can't say they're rumors. One of the girls on my yahoo group has just said that she rec'd an email from her agency stating that referrals for a boy will be AT LEAST 14 MONTHS!!!!

Did you hear what I said..if not I'll repeat it...

AT LEAST 14 MONTHS!!!!

So just shoot me now. That means we'll be lucky to have our child by NEXT Christmas!!
It seems that every couple of months they tack on two months to the wait. So when I say to myself "okay only 3 more months" the next month I have to say "okay only five more months". How does that make any sense? I know that we are supposed to be fluid. But we have been waiting for a child for 4 years now. For 4 years we have been "trying" in some way or another to start our family. For four years now our lives have been full of stress, anxiety, and tears. I want to move past this, have our child and move on with our lives. I don't want to think about it anymore. Is that horrible? I want dirty diapers, crying children, fevers, temper tantrums...throw whatever you want at me. I can handle it, just involve a child in the equation somewhere!!!

It's been 9 months!!!

OMGAWD!!! It's been 9 months. Now seriously I know I should be celebrating but it's been 9 months. Never did I think we would go nine months and I can't even tell you what the wait will be now. I feel like this wait will never end and to put the icing on the cake I'm having effed up dreams now. I won't tell you all exactly what the dream was, but it was very disturbing. It involved a very cute baby boy and my inability to...well I'll just say that in my dream I was performing CPR on him, b/c I apparently didn't "remember" that I had a child and was very neglectful. My friends have told me it's because I'm nervous about being a Mom. And I know I've heard about women being pregnant and having very vivid dreams about their yet to be born children. But I could seriously do without the totally messed up dreams. And I know that we are on the downslide, but could it go any faster.....PLEASE!!!!!

Those darn spammers!!

So I've been getting several spam comments so I've turned on the word verification for comments. I really don't like the word verification, but I had to turn it on for a while..sorry guys...I know it's a pain.

As far as the adoption. No news. Still Waiting. And Waiting. And Waiting.

On the Jon front. He returned to work Sunday night and it was pretty busy. He's pretty wupped!! But hopefully he'll get out his staples tomorrow and be able to take a REAL shower. He's so looking forward to taking a real shower. I know the two inches of water for his baths was getting old. And I know you just don't feel the same sponging off with a washcloth. Not much else. There are several families that have rec'd travel news so that's awesome. I can't wait for these referrals to start coming again.

Surgery was a success!!

Jon's surgery went well. He tore up his shoulder pretty well. They ended up having to put in a screw and washer which will have to come out in 6-8 weeks. I tried to prepare Jon for the pain, but he just didn't think it would be worse than the actual injury. When he came to, he told me that he really underestimated the pain. Ummm...listen to your wifey honey. He was in a lot of pain when we got home, but by 1 am he said that it was better. They have this "pain pump" that is pumping in local anesthetic every hour. It's pretty neat and I wonder why we don't do this for kids. I still get to be a nurse to him and I get to pull the pain pump tubing out on Saturday(yay!!!) I know......I know.....I have a sick sense of what is exciting. The good thing about Jon having Surgery on Wed. was we didn't have to drive to a thousand different places on Thursday. Everyone just brought us food. Trust me, it was a good deal. But he is doing well and Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and thoughts!

Surgery Today!!

I'm sitting here waiting to leave for Jon's surgery. He's beginning to get a little nervous. I'm already nervous. I know too much. I want to be the nurse in the room. If they could just let me in so that I could personally position him, that would ease my mind. They won't of course. Jon will be in this "beach" chair for his surgery. If they don't position him right, things could be out of wack so to say. I know, I know these people do this all the time. I must relinquish control. We special requested an Anesthesiologist. Do you think I can special request myself to be the nurse in the room. Maybe if I just wear my scrubs in, I could sneak in and act like a student. Then I could be in the room. Then I'll just quietly sneak out after he's positioned properly. Did I mention "properly positioned". Arrr...I hate to not be in control. Wish him LUCK!!

We had our first date!

I forgot to tell you all that on Thursday I finally got to meet Lucia and Camille. Lucia was living in Japan when she and her family adopted Camille from Taiwan. Camille was staying in the same orphanage that we will be adopting from. They moved here several months ago, but this was the first time that we were able to coordinate our schedules to meet. It was so neat to finally meet her after months of "courting" on line. It's always weird and I was a little nervous to meet them. You wonder if you'll have anything to talk about, if the conversation will lag, or if it'll be just terribly awkward. It wasn't at all. When I first saw them I went right up to them and we hugged like old friends, like we'd known eachother for years. Lunch was awesome and the conversation didn't stop. The poor waiter...we camped out for a while. Lucia is so nice and sweet and Camille...just melt my heart. She is such a good baby, didn't cry or fuss once. Of course I didn't even think about it when she wanted some of my soup...I just fed her from MY spoon...oops...I didn't even think that Lucia might find this horrible, tacky, gross, or just unacceptable. Then I gave her chocolate(for the very first time) from my own...gasp...fingers. Thankfully Lucia didn't gasp and was so cool about it. And Camille...well she loves chocolate!! A true girl at heart. I can't wait to spend more time with them.

Please show her some love..

A very dear friend of mine has also been struggling with infertility for 3 years now. She does know that part of the difficulty is PCOS. Since this is not the reason Jon and I have had difficulty my knowledge is limited. She has joined the blogger world to gather info and of course support. I have told her how wonderful my bloggy friends are. If any of you out there has struggled with PCOS please stop by her blog and show her some support. If you know of any friends online with the same problem maybe you could direct them to her site. I know that I rely on my online friends for support on issues that sometimes others don't understand. So please if you know anything about PCOS she would love to hear from you. Her site is www.thepcosfiles.blogspot.com. Thanks guys

The deer won

A Jon update: We've been to two doctors and the ER guys were wrong. Jon has a concussion and a Grade III AC joint dislocation. He can do surgery or not, his choice. It will heal-most likely-on its own without surgery, but it will never be the same and it will leave him with a deformity on his left shoulder. If he does do surgery then the repair will be slightly better then not doing anything. So after consulting his Primary Doc he has decided that with the type of work that he does he will do the surgery. If he didn't do the surgery there is always the possibility that he will need surgery at a later date. Regardless his shoulder will-as the doctor put it-"never be as good as what God gave you". So we are just waiting for the surgeons office to get back to us with a surgery date. We remain grateful that it isn't worse. Now I just want you all to know that Jon has always said that I have a horrible bed side manner(to him). But I have been a good little nurse and treated him like Gold and spoiled him rotten. I suppose that it has to continue through his recovery(darnit!!) I made him promise me that he'll be nice during his recovery, b/c I've seen this surgery and it sure doesn't look like it feels good. I've asked Jon if I could scrub in on his surgery.....he gave me a resounding "NO!!" You know I just think he doesn't want me to have any fun. He said that if I were allowed to scrub in, he'd end up with a catheter in his "you know" and tubes elsewhere...all for my sick sense of humor. The sad thing is he's right....It really would be funny, ya know!!!

He's being life flighted...

I will tell you as I sit here...Calmer now...Relieved...Thankful...that those words are some of the worst words you can ever hear. Today was the opening of hunting season. Jon was so excited to finally be at a place where he could take a weeks vacation and go out to the woods to hunt. He left yesterday. My father and his father were there. He was supposed to call me on Sunday when everyone else left except him. It was about four thirty when the phone rang and it was my father. My first words were "what's wrong". He tells me not to panic. But Jon was climbing into a tree stand...it broke or something and he fell. They're taking him to Shands. Shands is the shock trauma hospital for our area. My father told me that he was okay and that they were just taking him for precautionary reasons, possible c-spine injury. I told him I was on my way. I didn't ask any other questions and high tailed it to Shands. I got to Shands and called his mother to tell her that he wasn't there yet. She told me that he was being life flighted. Now I wasn't really panicked at that point...worried..yes..but not panicked. But after hearing those words "he's being life flighted.." I will tell you every possible c-spine horror story ran through my little nurses brain. I stood outside of the emergency room as the helicopter flew in and landed. My stomach dropped as I saw them wheel him into the emergency room. He was awake and moving as far as I could see from where I was. But you never want to see your loved one being flown into the hospital. We all waited until they allowed us back. They did very shortly and there was my honey in his little neck brace, lying flat, but okay. We just had to wait for him to clear c-scan. He was in a lot of pain and his shoulder was hurt. I've never seen fear in his eyes. I did tonight. I never want to see fear in his eyes again. It's scary. My big strong man as much as he didn't want to admit it was hurt. But thankfully he did clear c-scan. He fell 12-15 feet onto his shoulder and neck. He briefly lost conciousness. He was feeling very weird. He was scared. That scared me. It could've been worse. Thank you God that it wasn't. He fell onto a palmetto bush and ground. He's pretty hurt. His shoulder although not dislocated is hurting him pretty good right now. They think he "separated" a ligament in his shoulder. They say it sometimes heals by itself, but he will have to followed up with orthopedics. I am so very grateful that he isn't hurt worse. He was carrying his rifle as he was climbing into the stand. It was loaded with a bullet in the chamber. But thankfully the safety was still on. Thankfully as he fell, the safety did not get bumped and thankfully the gun didn't discharge. I am thankful for so many things tonight. I am thankful that his injuries are not worse. I am thankful for all the little "coincidences" that kept him safe. He wasn't alone. His father was walking away from him when he heard him fall...the safety was on...he didn't fall directly on his head..I know he was being looked out for tonight. Thank you God!!

Number 8..

So when we started this adoption, the average was eight months for a referral. We're here!!!! But alas as you all know, things change. It sucks. I remember when we started 8 months seemed so far off. I couldn't imagine getting to the eight month mark. And now that we're here, well we're talking at least another 4 months(maybe more) until our referral and then we have the court process which can be another 4 or so months until we travel. Now I really can't imagine 8 more months!!! Can you imagine another eight months? What can I talk about for another 8 months!?! I'm not liking this eight number!! But I will try to stay positive...Okay, I'm done trying.... No really, at least we've made it this far and we aren't just starting. So today I will celebrate getting to this eight month mark...and moving on to better things!!