This is our story....of love, life, and adoption

Monday, September 04, 2006

Welcome to my roller coaster....

Ever seem to have one of those days when you have that doom and gloom feeling in your gut? Well welcome to that day for me. I have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something bad is going to happen. I know everyone had told me that adoption is a roller coaster ride of emotions. Just the other day I was saying that I was feeling oddly good about the adoption. Today is not that day. I'm scared!! Scared that after we invest all that we have, the judge is going to simply say "NO!" Then we will be back to square one and out a lot of money. It's not that we haven't faced this fear in the beginning. But today it's strong. After all the everything you have to go through just to get on the waiting list and get that famous immigration clearance. You start to sit back and cruise, but then that little devil plays with the back of your mind telling you it's not going to happen and pushes you over the edge of doubt, barreling you at warp speed to the bottom without a safety harness. I keep trying to tell myself that it's all going to be fine. Now for those that know me personally...no snide remarks...I can be a tad pessimistic...I said no snide remarks!! But I have tried to stay very positive through this whole process. You kinda have to be or you'll go insane. But it's got to be normal to ride up and down, emotionally, like an old wooden coaster, right? Please tell me that I'm not loosing it!!!

10 comments:

Donna said...

It's perfectly normal to have fear of losing something very imporant to you. So, congratulations, you're normal!

I hope the rest of your waiting time flies!

Donna

jeneflower said...

I totally understand what you are saying. Sometimes I feel like it is a for sure thing and our daughter will be coming home soon. Other times I think we are fools to have ever thought we could get through this adoption ride successfully- I mean something is bound to come up and ruin everything. It is hard to stay optimistic. I think that is why the wait is so hard, but people adopt children every day- so why not us????

Connie said...

Hey, I thought that was you in the coaster car in front of me as we zoomed down the hill!

The good thing about these 'pessimistic' days is that they do pass (whew).

I'll be right there on the coaster with you as we go clank, clank, clank up the next hill. Someday (wish I knew when) there IS an end to this ride.

Sandra said...

Hang in there!

malou said...

Girl, you are not loosing it, I think we go through this emotions bcoz' you have been waiting so long and those fears of being turned down just bombarding your thoughts and emotions just gets the best of you. Ann, you and Jon will be the perfect parents of your child. Think positive, pronto! Malou

Kelly said...

Everyone adopting has had these feelings before. Everything will work out and be just fine. Stay strong!!

NikkiNix said...

Did you ever think that maybe your maternal instinct is at work? Maybe you are connecting (in some mystical way - smile) with the mother? Maybe that mother is feeling emotional today?

Maybe it's just human nature, and some hormone is playing devil's advocate with your brain :) Maybe your hubby's being anxious is also contributing to it ??

Girl, it will all turn out for the best. I respect you so tremendously for your strength, courage and your will... you will make a fantastic mother and some little person will be so very lucky to be welcomed into your family and be under your care. Hang tight - this is your pregnancy... chalk it up to morning sickness & hormones ;)

mIcHeLlE-o said...

It's very hard to be so upbeat about things at certain points in our lifes. I would say that you are waiting for your child just as anyone that is carrying a child right now is waiting. With that being said it's your motherly instinct getting the best of you girl. We all worry and get nervous when we become moms, we want everything to go perfect with no prob's. (That rarely happens.) Regardless of you having a child in your hands right now or not, you have one in your heart and that makes you a wonderful mommy. Keep your head up-the road will get smoother at one point soon. XOXOXO Michelle

Anonymous said...

Stay strong girl! It's just like being a kid on Christmas Eve. Time stands still! You and Jon will be wonderful parents.

Tammy said...

Hang in there, Ann. I'm right with you on the roller coaster. I get the least bit of good news and I'm on top of the world and of course tell God and everyone....only to plummet back to Earth when we again have to wait and it doesn't work out on my timetable.

WAITING SUCKS...but we'll make it.