This is our story....of love, life, and adoption

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Yearly update

So I just sent in Claire's yearly update.  That is such a difficult thing to do.  How do sum up a year in a letter and 16 pictures?  You don't, well actually I didn't.  I sent a pretty long letter, several pages and I think something like 40ish pictures.  I just couldn't help it.  It's such a hard thing to sum up the past year of your child's life.  I want them to see that she's doing well and see what kinds of things we do.  So 40ish pictures it was...
I've really been trying to talk with Claire about adoption, although she doesn't grasp it at all.  I just don't want her to have never heard the word.  I was looking through her baby book with her and talking with her about it.  In the back of her baby book is an envelope that closes.  I have her birthfamily pictures in there that way when she is older she can choose what to share.  But, we were looking through the pictures together and there is a picture of her birthmother holding her.  Claire looked at it and said "mommy" she often will see women and say mommy or men and say daddy, but that was like a stab through the heart.  I know it shouldn't have been because no matter how I feel or how I want to clarify or label the relationship, it is her birthmother.  But I wasn't sure what to feel.  One one hand I know I shouldn't be hurt by that and I should want to be open and all..but on the other hand I'll be honest I don't want her to be calling her Mommy. I just don't.  I know it's not politically correct and I know that I should feel other wise, but is it wrong?