"Out there" being the adoption world and in particular Taiwan. Everything seems to come in spurts. It'll be a while before anyone hears anything...no referrals, no travel, no calls. And just as everyone starts to feel despondante, someone gets a travel call. Then another person gets court approval, then two people get referrals. Then another and another and you can feel the exicitement building. You can feel the energy. I belong to several yahoo adoption groups, either specific to Taiwan, our agency, or Florida. Let me just say that these families are so wonderful and even though we haven't met, everyone is such a great support.
When you go through infertility, and for us it's been 4 years now, pregnancies and baby showers become so difficult. It's not that you aren't happy for other people. I mean they aren't getting pregnant to spite you. You aren't unhappy for those people either, you just become sad for yourself. You don't want to be sad when someone tells you that they are pregnant, but you just are. It's hard to explain if you haven't been through infertility, but you are. It's difficult then because you begin to feel guilty for not being as happy as you feel you should be. It's been like that for some time for us. I can't tell you how many times we cried together when we heard the news of someone else that was pregnant. But things changed the minute we decided to Adopt instead of try IVF. Then it was okay, because we weren't sad for ourselves everytime someone else got pregnant. You become excited again. I was thinking about this as all the referrals started pouring in. I find myself drawing energy from them and I'm not sad that it's them and not us. I thought I would be, but I'm not. I get so excited now when someone gets that call or I read all about their first meeting with their child. I check the boards many times a day to see whats happening. These Yahoo groups are great...and as you watch their stories unfold you get so much hope that one day your family will become complete. So as I read about landings in Taiwan, Gotcha Days, and referral news and see that it is indeed hopping out there right now, I draw on this and gather all the strength I'm gonna need for this wait.