This is our story....of love, life, and adoption

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Can you hear the silence?

I get a blah/vent post folks so bear with me.


We did a role call on my agency Internet group. There is one family @ 18 months, two families @ 16 months, two families @ 14 1/2 months, then us. And yes there are many families after us. But we're now approaching 12 months(you'll get that more positive post on Friday). But since it's not Friday I feel the need to wallow in my own miserable FOREVER waiting room. About two months ago SR. Rosa put out a memo to the agencies about the increasing wait. They are fully aware that this is taking FOREVER and their intentions are not to have the families "suffer" through a long wait. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Yes, they are trying to remedy the situation. But bottom line, there is a backlog(sound familiar, China families) and it's going to take a bit for the wait to get back down.

So since we should already have our referral now, and we Don't. And since it's going to be a while before we do. We are stuck in this miserable waiting room. Imagine this, because this is how it feels.....

The room is bear, nothing on the walls, stark and cold. There is no clock because they don't want you to know how long you've been waiting. There is a crusty old woman sitting at the front desk, talking on the phone about her terrible life. She is preoccupied and oblivious to the many many families in the waiting room. The magazines are all old, because they've been there a long time. And we've already read them a million times as we've waited. We are left to stare at the bleak walls. We all know each other because we've been in this room for a very long time. We've already shared our stories. We've asked all the pleasantries a million times. We are at the point of no conversation. So it is silent. Every once in a while, someone asks again...."how long have you been waiting" Everyone sullenly answers. Then again it is silent. New families join the room. They are so full of joy and anticipation. They pick up a magazine for the first time. We sit in silence. You can tell which families have been there a long time. Their butts are numb. They can't feel their legs. They are hungry for news. They are tired. Tired of waiting. Once in a while that old hairy lady looks up and searches for a certain family and before the families name is announced everyone in the room is alert, anxious, giddy and full of hope that it is their turn. Then that family gets to leave the waiting room. We are left again in silence. But for some odd reason the silence isn't always desperate. Because behind the silence, behind the weary eyes are visions of babies or children, Gotcha days, and tears of joy. So once again we pick up a magazine and read a story we've read before. Because one day that old lady...she'll be calling out our name in the silence!!!

19 comments:

C.J. said...

Well put...I know PRECISELY whatcha mean!

Stacey said...

I am so sorry that the wait is talking so much longer than expected! Stay strong! I will be checking back often to see how everything is going!

Kelly said...

I hate this for you. I am so sorry it is taking so long.

Anonymous said...

Ann,
I am still waiting with you hon. I am so sorry it is so miserable.. when it happens it will just overwhelm you and that room will become techno color again. I can't wait for the blood to rush to your feet and back to you head again looking for oxygen. You will get there. That was a wonderful picture though. I feel like I am waiting with you for real. After infertility and then failed adoption and such... you can't help but ask yourself even as you approach the finish line.. is this really gonna happen? IT DOES! Keep your chin up. WE are all here for you, waiting to jump for joy and celebrate with you guys.

Sarah k. said...

ok.. the above was me..lol.

Jennifer "Jenny" said...

I'm Sorry Ann.

Anonymous said...

I'm very sorry. Your writing is amazing though. It made me feel just like I was in that room with you. (and that made me sad) Perhaps while you are waiting, you can take some tweezers and bluck some of those hairs from the old lady. Just a thought.

Jan

kiwintaiwan said...

Ann ,

Hang on in there , the end will be worth it but we know its hard

Hugs from us over here in Taiwan
Rhonda , Steve , Josh and Jesse

marina said...

I think I am one of those annoying new families that just entered the room. We are finishing our homestudy. Here is our blog -
http://overtherainbow-heart.blogspot.com

Doris & Dan said...

You have totally hit the nail on the head!!! It is a wonderful analogy. I will def have to share it on my blog if you don't mind.

Keep smilin!

Sherry said...

Ann~

Your writing brings back memories to me. Soon this wait will all be a memory for you (even though I bet you dont think it now)Your right...the wait room is an awful place to be but hopefully you wont need to be there to much longer:)

I know your babies out there so hang in there & you will be getting that call soon:)

eggrolls and chopsticks said...

It sucks

taiwanbaby said...

waiting sucks, because it's seems so not in your control. I hate that feeling. thanks for venting, it helps other to feel o.k. venting.

Robinson 4 said...

Great visual! I hope your guys' name comes up sooner than you think!!

malou said...

It is good to vent, Ann. OMG, I can feel the pain of waiting from what you describe, gosh I do hope your chance of referral will come very soon!

Andrea said...

Oh Ann! I'm so sorry it's taking so long. Don't give up hope, it will happen. Stay strong and vent away, that's what everyone is here for. A big hug for you.

PromiseKeepersDaughter said...

Ahhhhh! I totally know how you feel. When I get like this I go into her room and grab her quilt that I washed in Ivory soft baby clothes detergent and take a nice long smell with my eyes closed and imagine it is her I am smelling. Then I sometimes have a little cry and I feel a bit better. It's not a solution just a suggestion ;O)
We are all waiting with you Ann. ((HUGS))

Legaleagle said...

It's amazing to me that there is such a wait when there are so many children that need good homes and so many parents waiting for their child. One of my clients just came back from China with her little boy. After knowing how she waited, I know this must be hard for you and The Husband. I hope the old lady calls your name really soon.

The Hughes said...

Ann, I too can feel your pain but you are such an amazing trooper. Having been through so much, it is odvious you are among the very very strong of "men" so to speak. The process of infertility sucks, waiting and wondering through the treatments suck, and the waiting in adoption still sucks! I cant say that I understand EVERY thing you are going through but I do understand alot, and I feel for you. No pity, just understanding. You are on a journey to YOUR child so I guess your wait is so you make it to the RIGHT child. Can't imagine my life without Landon and his funny scrunchy faces! Thinking of you daily!

Nicole